June Testimony -- Cancer Health Log

Testimony born 6/1/08

I bear my testimony once a year near the anniversary of our move to Utah. That's the third week of October. I do that deliberately because I noted in California that I would bear my testimony about once a decade, which didn't seem quite what the Lord would want.

It's amazing how often that comes around. No wonder that was such a seldom event in California.

Anyway, I knew what I would use as the content of my testimony this year, and started preparing it months ago, and I find myself going over it and over it in my mind while going to sleep and while waking up, etc. By the time November rolls around, it will be over rehearsed, as has happened before, and will be rattled off in a memorized, sing-song way, totally devoid of Spirit.

When a long silence occurred in Fast and Testimony Meeting this month, I felt I should just get up and unload it now. So I did. Amazing how much comment I received thereafter. I don't remember such a reaction any other time in my life.

Anyway, the following is nearly word for word what I said since it was well on the way to being memorized and over-rehearsed:

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Brethren and sisters, we experienced a life scrambling event this past year. It was awful. We couldn't believe something so terrible was happening to us. However, it is quite common and happens to lots of people, and will happen to many if not most of us sometime during our lifetime, and often Fast and Testimony Meeting becomes a vehicle to help us work through the issues involved.

In April conference, Elder Oaks told us what a testimony is. He also told us what a testimony is not. Included in the long list of things it is not, he said it is not a “health log.”

So let me get the health log part of my testimony out of the way as quickly as possible to minimize violation of Elder Oak's principles.

In January, I went in for a routine hernia repair, at which time the surgeon encountered a somewhat rare but very scarey form of cancer. The Internet offered the unvarnished information, reported with clinical detachment, that my likelihood of living for five years was pretty much nil, and that more likely I would be dead within three years. Three weeks later I underwent major surgery with the cancer as the focus, after which time the pathology report was more optimistic. It extended the three years to three decades, meaning that something else would likely kill me first.

That completes the health log part of my testimony. There's actually a long story behind all that involving three different forms of cancer, two of which are related, and the amazing timing and location of the hernia. I love this story and tell it at the drop of a hat, but I've noticed that people become uncomfortably bored by the end of it, and if I tried it here, Elder Oaks would definitely be unhappy.

During the three weeks we thought I would die soon, I received a priesthood blessing from my family and a priesthood blessing from our priesthood leaders here in the ward. My extended family held a fast for me and my sister arranged for her large posterity to place my name on prayer rolls around the world in temples in places where I didn't know there were temples.

My concept of Eternal Progression is that it consists of a series of two steps forward followed by one to two steps backward – a series of these interspersed on rare occasions by great strides forward induced primarily by adversity.

That happened to us. During the three weeks that we thought I would die soon, our perspective broadened to eternity, important things became crystal clear, priorities were obvious, our dedication to the Lord increased by an order of magnitude as did our commitment to conform our lives to His will. We even decided that we would be willing to go on a couple mission if that were to be possible. We were well on our way to having our calling and election made sure.

And then the doctor came into our hospital room late one afternoon and uttered the words, “Good News!” We were overjoyed – and went right back to where we were before.

That's a new aspect of Eternal Progression I've never thought of. It's not only possible to make great strides forward in leaps and bounds, it's also possible to make leaps and bounds backward, which thing I had never considered.

I received a reprieve! I don't know why I received a reprieve. I didn't expect a reprieve. From my experience, reprieves don't happen. So why did I receive a reprieve? Perhaps the answer may be found in a quote from Brigham Young who told the saints:

“Don't be discouraged if you haven't had the privilege the older members have had of being robbed, driven and mobbed, and plundered of everything you own. You have the promise that, if you remain true and faithful, you too will be tried in all things.” [Brigham Young, Journal History, 14 February 1853, LDS Church Archives]

That gives me something to work on.

But there are some things that remain with us. For instance, I know there is life after death. Not the way Hugh Nibley received such knowledge. He describes that, as a young man, he became quite concerned about whether or not there was life after death and prayed mightily to get that knowledge. His prayer was answered dramatically. In one of those be-careful-what-you-pray-for experiences which I'm not sure how many of us would choose to duplicate – I'm not sure if he would have chosen to have such if he'd known it was going to happen.... Serves him right. That's OK, I'll be satisfied with a simple spiritual confirmation. That's more convincing, anyway. Spirit to spirit. Overwhelming conviction.

I know that there is life after death. I know that through the atonement of Jesus Christ, we will all be resurrected. I know that through the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can all be saved in the Kingdom of God if we cooperate with the process. I know that Joseph Smith was the prophet through whom Christ revealed the process, and I know that Thomas S Monson is the Lord's prophet today.

I say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.